Look it. Fancy professional picture of me trying to be professional.
I think I look high…
I will crucify you like Christ himself. Oh yes, I will.
All the while I’ll be spinning Madonna’s Like A Prayer while reading you into the filth.
Where’s my sister from down under? Let me tag mama so you can get dunked in it again.
Now please shut up.
I’m in a mood to post pictures of myself…not sure why.
The NHL Lockout makes me sad…
Yeah, that’s it.
Hey she must be pissing you off by pointing out how stupid your bullshit political beliefs are.
Me: *meets nice guy with lots in common*
Me: …wait…this sounds familiar…
Me: NOPE! SOMETHING’S WRONG HERE. THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG. He’s an asshole or secretly a liberal. He’s a serial killer. He’s still in love with his ex or something. I’M NOT GOING THROUGH THAT SHIT AGAIN.
Me: *runs away*
Potential suitors.
The following is the a list of disqualifying items. If:
-You smoke pot
-You are an atheist
-You don’t ever want kids
-You have a problem with conservatives
-You think an “open relationship” is acceptable
-You’re ever knowingly participated in an affair (either the cheater or the other man)
-You have a grindr/findfred/whatever app and your profile says “masc only” or you generally shame feminine men
-You’ve ever uttered the phrase “check your privilege” and not meant it sarcastically
-You have a problem with people drinking (if you don’t drink that’s fine)
-You have a problem with my family or Andrew or Courtney
-Voted for Elizabeth Warren or Barack Obama
-Hates dogs
-Considers themselves and active member in the “gay community”.
-Pro-choice
-Social Justice Warrior
-Hasn’t worked a job in their life.
Then…
you are no longer in the running to become America’s Next Top Model (my boyfriend). Sashay away.
Potential suitors.
The following is the a list of disqualifying items. If:
-You smoke (either pot or cigarettes)
-You are an atheist
-You don’t ever want kids
-You have a problem with conservatives
-You think an “open relationship” is acceptable
-You’re ever knowingly participated in an affair (either the cheater or the other man)
-You have a grindr/findfred/whatever app and your profile says “masc only” or you generally shame feminine men
-You’ve ever uttered the phrase “check your privilege” and not meant it sarcastically
-You have a problem with people drinking (if you don’t drink that’s fine)
-You have a problem with my family or Andrew or Courtney
-Voted for Elizabeth Warren or Barack Obama
-Hates dogs
-Considers themselves and active member in the “gay community”.
Then…
you are no longer in the running to become America’s Next Top Model (my boyfriend). Sashay away.
The following is the a list of disqualifying items. If:
-You smoke (either pot or cigarettes)
-You are an atheist
-You don’t ever want kids
-You have a problem with conservatives
-You think an “open relationship” is acceptable
-You’re ever knowingly participated in an affair (either the cheater or the other man)
-You have a grindr/findfred/whatever app and your profile says “masc only” or you generally shame feminine men
-You’ve ever uttered the phrase “check your privilege” and not meant it sarcastically
-You have a problem with people drinking (if you don’t drink that’s fine)
-You have a problem with my family or Andrew or Courtney
Then…
you are no longer in the running to become America’s Next Top Model (my boyfriend). Sashay away.
